A lingering question haunts my thoughts. What if most, if not everything I had/have "planned" for my life isn’t actually what I really want? This lingering thought has been hanging out in the cobwebs of my closet for some time now, but due to some rather timely discussion with friends it has become increasingly pervasive and has moved into the neurological pathways of my brain.
Take this thought for instance.
I have had an immense amount of dislike for animals for a very long time. Having chose to not necessarily think about the why of that statement, I have been left to perpetuate a decision that really has had no substantial backing. This type of situation bothers me because in my never ending quest for reason and involving myself in genuine interaction, I find that the former and later seem to be a complete contradiction to the "reality" I seek. So, in order to reason the why I place myself into an alternate reality in which an ideal scenario is present. In this I find that I don’t really dislike animals at all. I do however find that what I don’t like about animals is the responsibility of owning an animal. This I believe is a direct reflection on the feelings I possess regarding my state of being. At most times in my life I feel that I am barely capable of taking care of my own problems. This in turn makes me question my ability to care for another "thing". The thought of something or even more frightening, the thought of someone having a dependence on me is debilitating. I don’t have it all figured out, but what I do know is that this thought process leads me to steer clear of relationships and connections in which a dependence on me is present.
Ehh?? ::shurgs shoulders:: I could keep going on and on and on about this but I’m feeling that the therapeutic nature of this blog would soon turn and spiral into a dismal depressing state, so I’ll just stop it here.
So, I guess I can’t leave you all hanging about the animal issue.
Here is the story.
About 3 or 4 years ago I saw one of those annoyingly nondescript drug ads. In this add a small dog gets loose from its owner and runs away across a large patch of grass. I remember seeing the dog run and thinking that the dog’s gait was extremely funny. At the time I didn’t know the type of dog, but through some research I later found it to be a Boston Terrier.
